bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
