He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
