I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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