when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
