I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
