Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
