He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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