Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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