Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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