That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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