I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
