First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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