I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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