Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
