I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
