What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
