i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Pooping to opera.
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