i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
