even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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