Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
