I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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