they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
