im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
