You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you never un-have a 4some
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
