I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
well, you know. whores of a feather.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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