Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
