News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
soo... how was my night?
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