Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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