absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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