Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
