Me. At least after what I've been through.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
