i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize