i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
