last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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