I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
