Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
zippers are such a cool invention
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
