He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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