is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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