found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
