It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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