I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
