This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
