chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
