Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
