You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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