there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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