i wish my penis had a tongue
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
