just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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