honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
