from now on my penis is your penis
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
