You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
