Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
