Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
