can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
