positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sex in a hospital.. check
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
