I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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