God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
