Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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