Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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