WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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