I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
