the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
