i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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