I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
