i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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