I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In America we eat man semen.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
