i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize