What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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