Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
