I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
