I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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