Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
