sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My vagina is officially offended.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
