marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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