Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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