She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
