I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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