new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize