3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
