I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
