Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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